Why do I want to be single?  Did I make that decision because I wasn't with the right person or because of some other reasons?  I don't mind being single, I can do what I want and eat what I want and not have to worry about anyone or anything but me.  Sounds pretty selfish, but I came to miss that over the last 4 years.  I missed my independence, my voice and my ability to make whatever decision I wanted without regard for how it would affect someone else.  One perk to being single is meeting new people and the attention that that brings, which I must admit is nice.  But when I think about it, it is the same amount of attention that my ex gave me.  So why do I enjoy this attention now when it was starting to grate on my nerves with him?  Is it because it is someone new? Is it because I have caught the attention of more than one person?  Or is it because I now have the power?  I am thinking it may be all of the above.  I have the control again over that attention and what I want to do with it or if I even want it.
At the ripe old age of 28, I have begun to wonder if I have already met my "soul mate" and let them get away. If there is just one person out there that you are meant to be with for the rest of your life.  I have dated some great guys and some not so great guys.  In the last two months two of those great guys informed me that they wanted to marry me.  What am I supposed to do with that information?  Do they say that to make me regret my decisions or does it somehow give them some sort of closure...who knows, but it does make me wonder, have I passed on love?  The logical part of me knows that if it is meant to be it will be, but the not so logical side says I am going to continually pass on great people for so many reasons that may or may not be the right ones.  There has been a long running joke among some of my friends that I will become the cat lady.  I sometimes wonder if that is true.  I'm not even sure if I am not ok with that.  Yeah it would be nice to grow old with someone and have kids to pass things down to, but at the same time who says that the person you love now will be the person you will love 50 years from now.  I am so fickle and am constantly changing, I am  not sure that I will ever find one person that will make me happy for that long.  I eventually get restless or bored or find someone else that catches my eye and once something is in my head there is no going back.  Maybe that will change, but somehow I think that is a big part of who I am.  Constantly wanting something more, something different.  I guess for now that is good because I have the world at my fingertips.  Just gotta do something with it.