I am feeling very unsettled right now...completely by my own doing but still unsettled.  Not sure where I stand, I know that I am with a person that when I am in any close vicinity I want to be closer and when I am close this amazing calm comes over me.  That should be a good thing right?  If only I could keep that calm feeling all the time.  I feel like I am going to get played, I feel like I am going to come away from this looking like a fool.  But another part of me feels like I trust him so much and that he wouldn't do that to me.   Is it smart to trust someone so much when there are parts of you screaming at you to not?  The dumb thing is that those feelings of mistrust don't come from him (you think they would with everything we have been through) but no, they come from his ex who every once in a while feels the need to text me random BS things...so every time those feelings of mistrust come up all I can think is don't let her win.  And I don't care how childish that sounds, that is how I feel.  I know that there is a good thing here and it is a perfect relationship for where I need to be right now.  Plenty of time for me and still someone to be close with when we can.
This should have been a good weekend.  Our weekend.  But I don't think it could have turned out any more opposite of that.  Friday was up and down and all over the place.  Saturday could have been a good day, til the end and Sunday was just a day...The thing that really kills me with all this is that there are no issues between us and absolutely no drama until she comes along.  I was really good at not letting her get to me for a  long while, but now it has reached the point where I am completely fed up with her childish behavior and it just gets to me to the point that I lose it.  It's like she just weasels her way into his life any chance she can, especially when she knows he will be with me.
I am beginning to think that I am getting too close, may be time to back off...maybe see other people.  Time to have a chat and figure this stuff out once and for all.  Cause there is no way that I will continue with the rollercoaster that has been the last couple of days.