What a shitty couple of days...not even sure where to start.  How about with Saturday when I received a text message that the guy's ex found out I was pregnant.  That was awesome!  And then later we had the discussion of whether or not we wanted to continue seeing each other, which I said I did of course.  And yes I was dumb enough to ask if he wanted to.  His answer? Yes, I think.  So I told him maybe he should think about whether he really did want to.  Stupid me.  Didn't hear from him for a few hours only to receive a text that he would call me when he put his kids to bed.  Yeah no phone call that night, but a text the next morning wanting to know if he could come by after he dropped the kids off so that we could talk. Kiss of death, I'm not stupid.  So I told him to just tell me whatever it was that he wanted to tell me.  Which was that he thought it was not fair to me to have to deal with all of this.  I said fine, we will be friends, I just want him to be happy.  How dumb could I be???  He came over later that night and the first thing I asked was if he was getting back with his ex...his answer?  We are going to work on some things.  That set me off!  I told him that he should have said that to begin with and not have made it about being fair to me.  He said he wished we had met earlier...what like 10 years ago? (yes I actually said that to him) he apologized for saying it.  I asked what the point was of introducing me to his friends and making plans for his birthday was if this is what he was going to do.  Didn't really get an answer on that. I asked him what happened to that night that he was with her and was so uncomfortable and didn't feel like himself, he said that it was still that way and he still wasn't comfortable with her.  So what the fuck are you gonna do dumbass???  Spend the rest of your life uncomfortable just to please your family?  Just to make everyone happy but yourself???  I guess so.
So here I sit...alone and sad and angry.  Oh yeah and pregnant.  I feel so alone and do not want to go through this alone, but now it seems I don't have a choice.  I deleted him from my phone, no call logs, no text messages, no listing in my contacts.  Just so when I get the urge to text him (which I have a lot) I can't.  And he hasn't even checked in to see how I am feeling.  We were friends first but now I know that will not be possible if he is with his ex, she won't allow that.  I really do want what is best for him, even if that means not hanging out with him, but I don't believe that the choices he is making are best for him or even good for him.  I will be here if he needs me and he knows that.  But even if you don't want to be with me, we still created this issue and I think you should man up and at least make sure I am ok even if you don't want to be with me. I would love to know how you go from liking someone and making plans with them to just dropping them like they never were.  Wednesday is my appointment for an abortion and I will be going through it alone.  How much I wish my sister were here to take care of me and make me feel better.  But she isn't.  I did this and now I have to deal with the consequences on my own.