Ok, so time for me to get back to original plan when I became single.  Time to focus on me and my goals.  I am sure I will hit some roadblocks along the way and if I do then they were meant to be there.  I will deal with them as they come.  Not saying that I will become a hermit just to focus on me.  If people enter my life I will be open to it, but guys will not be my focus.  If I do find someone I want to date, I need to stick to the idea of fun, not anything serious.  Somehow that plan completely failed both of us this time around.  That's what it was supposed to be, someone to go have a few beers with and have fun.  How did it turn into us both being surprised at how well we got along and how much fun we did have together?  He told me today that he was working some things out with her, just to be sure.  I don't understand how you can't be sure that you are doing the right thing when that person treats you horribly and you are uncomfortable around and you argue with constantly.  But if that is what he needs then so be it.  I told him that he would regret his decision, not talking about me, just what he is doing and he said I already do...people make no sense sometimes.  He said he knew that he fucked up a great thing with me and him and he was sorry.  Whatever, guys say girls are complicated!  He is unfortunately basing his decisions on what his family wants and what she wants, not what he wants and will make him happy.  I don't understand how people that supposedly care about you, especially your family would want you to be anywhere that does not make you happy.  But his family has disowned him because he left his family.  Sure he had really bad timing on when he chose to leave them, but does that make it ok for them to disown him?  He will still be in my life.  We are too good of friends to just bail on that.  And I think it will be nice to have someone who is that close to me without any other distractions.  He told me today that no matter what his ex says we were friends before and we will continue to be friends.  He also said they are not necessarily getting back together, so whatever that may mean, I am here if he needs a friend and he is there if I need a friend.  Tomorrow is going to suck, but it is the best for me in this place in my life .  I am sure this will be one of those things I look back and wonder what the hell I was thinking but I will also know that my decision was the right one at the time.
My mind is in so many different places today it is hard to focus on any one thing.  I am hoping that it is hormones and I will go back to normal soon.  I am hoping that I will truly be able to let go of the last month or so and the guy in anything more than a friend capacity.  I also wonder if I actually do like him as much as it seems or if he was just an easy distraction and someone to occupy my time so that I didn't have to focus on me.  I can say it was nice to have someone to go out and have fun with, cuddle with, talk with, but not have that serious attachment to.  But now that I don't have that it seems like the attachment was there without my even realizing it.  Is it him or just a warm body?  Who knows, but I intend on not falling into that again.  I do not need a guy to occupy my time, although I really do enjoy spending time with guys more than I do girls.  Just need to find guys that actually want to be friends without ulterior motives...