Today is a hard day but a good day.  I feel so sick and like I haven't slept in weeks, although I have been getting more than enough sleep.  Got up this morning feeling a bit more secure in my position in life.  The guy I have been seeing picked me up and we went for a walk in the woods, spent some time at the river.  Nothing too exciting but it was a good time, some much needed time of quiet, just the two of us, with no drama from anyone.  We had a good talk on Friday.  He basically told me that on that day that I was so miserable at home, his ex was at his house, just hanging out.  He said that he was so uncomfortable the whole time, he didn't feel like himself and he realized that it really was the right thing to not be with her.  He said that he wanted to continue seeing me, that he is comfortable with me and we have fun together and he wants to continue whatever it is that we are doing.  So that is where I am now.  Not exactly where I had set out to be when I made the decision to be single a few months ago, but not tied down either.  I am still free to do what I want and that is a good feeling.  It is also a good feeling to know that someone is there to have fun with and be there for me if I need it.  I have fought these feelings with him and kept my walls up just because this was not my "plan", but apparently plans are made to be broken and I am done fighting what my brain says I want to do, if I get hurt in the process oh well...it will make me stronger in the end.  And in the mean time I will  have all the fun I can and enjoy the people in my life.
I received a card in the mail today from my sister and the minute I read it I started bawling.  She told me that she hopes I make the most of my new freedom and find happiness for myself.  That is my new plan...make the most of everyday, be as happy as I can and try to not regret anything that I do.  I have never been very good at any of that so this will be my true test and I am excited at all the new possibilities.