As the time passes this year I have begun thinking more and more of what has happened in the last 10 years.  Maybe I should rephrase that..I have begun thinking of what I have chosen for my life in the past 10 years. I have started to realize that so many of my choices in life have been largely based on other people and what they want and makes them happy, not what I want or would make me happy.  I have been so scared to be myself so many times (actually for the last 20 years), for fear that people wouldn't really like me or accept me.  Not saying that people don't see the real me, but very few have seen anywhere close to  the real me as a whole person.  I am like a chameleon.  I can adapt to any type of person or group or personality.  Granted it may take me a little bit, but I do it...a lot.  All I have to do is observe and get a read on people, find out what they like and who they seem to be and I can mold myself to fit in.  A lot of the time I am still me just enhanced to be more appealing to whomever I am around at the time.  I have many different faces, which most people do, but I think that my ability and need to try and please people has resulted in losing myself...or never actually finding it to begin with.  I remember the exact day that I started worrying about what people thought and realized that it does matter what people think or it will at least affect you on one level or another and I wonder how at the age of 8, that one experience shaped the last 10-20 years of my life.
Here is my goal...even if no one reads this, I will use this as my therapy.  This will be the one place that I will be 100% honest about everything.  Maybe after some time, I can translate that honesty into my everyday life.